The 1213 Club
Ah wretched Tuesday after a holiday, oh how I hate ye. Why is it that getting up the day after a holiday is such a chore? You would think you'd be rejuvenated after an extra day off, but noooo. I had a difficult time falling asleep last night, and the boyfriend's new hours mean I have to get up an hour before I'm accustomed to. The result is that I feel like I'm still half asleep and ready to crawl back into bed!
I spent all day yesterday at this place called the 1213 club with my mom, who's coming up on her 2 year clean mark. It's a NA/AA hangout where those in recovery can go to, basically, learn that there's fun to be had even when you're straight and sober. It's also there to be a place where addicts in various stages of recovery can help and sponsor each other. It's an impressive place, full of friendship and support. I've never been an addict or an alcholic but I can see how a place like that would really benefit people struggling to get clean.
There was one woman there who'd relapsed friday night after four months of being clean. When she walked in the door, no one shunned her, no one told her they were disappointed in her, no one said anything but welcome back. I could tell she was struggling through the day. Her hands shook and she looked like she hadn't slept well, but she stayed, and she absorbed the support of all the people who'd been right where she was, and for yesterday she was clean.
I have to admit I was pretty proud of myself when I quit smoking, but I am more proud of my mom's accomplishments with battling drugs and alcohol. I think for a long time I thought it was just that she didn't want to be any different, but now I realize that she desperately did want to be different, she just didn't know how. The human mind is a complex and scary place sometimes. It will let us bury our pain in food, drink, drugs. It takes stepping outside of that delusion and looking at yourself in an honest, and often very painful, way to take control of your life. I'm not sure it's something I would be able to do. I'm not an alcoholic or addict, but I think I bury just as much as those who are, so I can somewhat understand just how hard it is to really see yourself and not look away.
As I looked around yesterday at the group of 50 some odd people, I could see the different stages of recovery. For some of them the pain was as raw and visible as a scab, and I couldn't help wonder how many of them would manage to make it to 6 months or beyond. I wondered what my mom had looked like those first few months of her recovery, if her eyes had held the same haunted stare. I don't see that in her now. I won't say she's recovered, because as any addict will tell you, there's no cure, but I will say that I believe she's in for the long haul. She's seen the bottom, and I don't believe she ever intends to get there again.
I spent all day yesterday at this place called the 1213 club with my mom, who's coming up on her 2 year clean mark. It's a NA/AA hangout where those in recovery can go to, basically, learn that there's fun to be had even when you're straight and sober. It's also there to be a place where addicts in various stages of recovery can help and sponsor each other. It's an impressive place, full of friendship and support. I've never been an addict or an alcholic but I can see how a place like that would really benefit people struggling to get clean.
There was one woman there who'd relapsed friday night after four months of being clean. When she walked in the door, no one shunned her, no one told her they were disappointed in her, no one said anything but welcome back. I could tell she was struggling through the day. Her hands shook and she looked like she hadn't slept well, but she stayed, and she absorbed the support of all the people who'd been right where she was, and for yesterday she was clean.
I have to admit I was pretty proud of myself when I quit smoking, but I am more proud of my mom's accomplishments with battling drugs and alcohol. I think for a long time I thought it was just that she didn't want to be any different, but now I realize that she desperately did want to be different, she just didn't know how. The human mind is a complex and scary place sometimes. It will let us bury our pain in food, drink, drugs. It takes stepping outside of that delusion and looking at yourself in an honest, and often very painful, way to take control of your life. I'm not sure it's something I would be able to do. I'm not an alcoholic or addict, but I think I bury just as much as those who are, so I can somewhat understand just how hard it is to really see yourself and not look away.
As I looked around yesterday at the group of 50 some odd people, I could see the different stages of recovery. For some of them the pain was as raw and visible as a scab, and I couldn't help wonder how many of them would manage to make it to 6 months or beyond. I wondered what my mom had looked like those first few months of her recovery, if her eyes had held the same haunted stare. I don't see that in her now. I won't say she's recovered, because as any addict will tell you, there's no cure, but I will say that I believe she's in for the long haul. She's seen the bottom, and I don't believe she ever intends to get there again.
posted by Ayanla at 6:21 AM
1 Comments:
Its great to hear that your mother is doing so well. Its always great to hear of someone turning their life around for the better.
Addiction can be a terrible thing, I know, nicotene, is my drug of choice.
Self introspection can be very painful. It is difficult because we want to ignore all the negatives about ourself, and see ourself as "normal", and in a positive light.
Being able to step outside of yourself and look at yourself completely, and recognize all of those things that you would probably not like in another, is an admirable quality.
We are unable to change, untill we can define what it is that we need to change for ourselves. No one can convince us more then ourselves of those negative qualities that need to be changed.
Great Blog!
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