Out of the Mouth

Back to Early Mornings

2006-12-04T07:18:00.000-05:00

Welp, looks like it's back to early mornings for me! The boyfriend has a new job, which means I'm back to getting to work just over an hour early every morning. As it turns out, that works perfectly for blogging, since it's the only time of the day I seem to have time to write.

I didn't "finish" Nano this year, in case anyone was actually wondering. I, sadly, got bored with my own story and wimped out...again. I could berate myself, but what's the point in that? I still wrote more than I would have otherwise, and there's always next year!

It's that time of year again, when thoughts turn to uncontrolled spending and the giving of unnecessary gifts! Every year I have a tight budget for Christmas, and this year is no exception. I always end up feeling like I should have gotten the kids more, or I should have picked something different. I'm not sure what it is that drives me to feel that way. I'd honestly be better served getting them things like clothes, a new dresser for their room, etc. But the long abandoned kid inside me assures me that those gifts are NOT for Christmas and I will never be forgiven if I try to ruin Christmas with such "lame" gifts so I'm on a constant hunt for the gifts that will make their faces light up Christmas morning. Of course, finding those gifts is more challenging when you're on a budget, but I think I usually do a pretty good job. Either that, or my kids are pro's at faking it!

Going strong!

2006-11-04T22:50:00.000-05:00

Cruising right along, over 1000 words ahead of schedule. So far we've established that poor little Nika has been molested, abused, and it an untreated schizophrenic sociopath! She's stabbed a girl with a stick, and at 15 she raped a girl. It's turning into a fun ride into her insanity, and she's not even grown yet. Here's another excerpt.

Her eyes caught on a group of girls standing near the drinking fountain. There were four of them, almost identical in appearance. Nika chuckled. It was amazing how people tended to flock to those who were most similar to themselves. That's one of the reasons Nika couldn't connect with anyone. There just wasn't anyone similar to her, no one who'd understand why Nika was the way she was. The four were laughing over something, a book, or a notebook maybe? There wasn't anything particularly interesting about what they were doing, but Nika continued to watch anyway. One girl lifted her head and looked around, reminding Nika of the way a ferret will go onto it's back legs and sniff the air. The girl looked at Nika, turned back to her friends for a moment, then began walking Nika's way. Nika averted her gaze to another group off to her left, a pack of seven boys throwing paper wads at each other as they raced down the hall. Nika caught sight of the blond again, in her peripheral vision. She turned her head until her gaze met the smaller girl's.

"What are you staring at?" Nika blinked slowly, processing the girl that now blocked her view. She was pretty in a conventional way. Wide blue eyes, clear skin, just a small sprinkle of pale brown freckles across her nose. Nothing to cause her to stand out from the crowd, but just pretty enough to draw as much attention as she chose. "Hey, you. Freakazoid." The girl snapped in Nika's face impatiently. "What the fuck are you staring at?" The girl had obviously forgotten her place. She'd stepped outside her plastic bubble, she'd broken the rules. Nika frowned as the girl began snapping again.

Nika grabbed the girl's wrist mid snap. "Don't." Her voice was calm, but threatening. Nika stared into the girl's blue eyes as she held her wrist tightly. "It's not polite to snap in people's faces." Nika squeezed her wrist until the girl's blue eyes clouded with pain. The girl struggled, trying to pull her arm from Nika's vice like grasp. Nika could see that the girl was about to scream, drawing attention to them both. She dropped the girl's arm and turned to walk away. She limped slightly as she walked, a gift from one of her mom's boyfriends. Bob or Jim or Earl, Nika didn't remember, but she'd never forget the searing sting of the knife across the back of her arm, or the crunch of bone as he'd stomped eleven year old Nika's foot as she tried to run. Her mom had waited nearly two days before taking Nika to the hospital. By then many of the breaks had begun to set. They'd rebroken her foot in multiple places in an attempt to get it to heal properly, but the damage was severe enough that Nika would never again walk without a limp. The girl watched Nika walk away, rubbing her wrist and sneering in Nika's direction. Most people left Nika alone. It was common knowledge that she was dangerous, prone to violence. Numerous stories floated through the halls, that she'd stabbed a girl to death with a stick, that she'd beaten one girl so badly she had to be institutionalized, that she cut people and drank their blood. Most of the rumors were over the top, and some were so outlandish that even Nika had to laugh, but she did nothing to dispute them. The fact that most of the school was terrified of her suited her just fine. Nika cocked her head to the side, a gesture familiar to anyone who watched her for any length of time. "You never have been able to control that temper." Anda chided. "Now she'll go tell a teacher and it'll be off to the Principal's office for us. Why do you always screw things up?"

Nika took her seat at the back of the room, behind a girl with braces and curly red hair that sprung up from her head in a halo of flame. Nika didn't know her name, nor could she recall the name of the girl from the hall. This wasn't her world, wasn't anything she wanted to be a part of. It was just something she had to get through every day. Nika was a pro at just getting through. She watched Mr. Winger as he talked excitedly about their next reading assignment, Alex Haley's Roots. Nika sighed and dug into the desk with her pencil. She'd read Roots a dozen times already. She knew that book inside and out. She felt a certain amount of kinship with the slaves in the book, forced to toil for someone else's profit, unable to live life on their own terms. She could already see how this semester would go. She'd sit in class every day, bored out of her skull, then ace every test and blow the curve for the rest of the class. Sometimes she wondered why she even bothered coming to class.

Writing excerpts

2006-11-03T23:16:00.000-05:00

I'll be posting some excerpts from what I'm writing for Nanowrimo. Probably not enough for anyone to really make sense of the story, but what the heck. So far I'm doing well, on schedule to make 50k. Of course, at three days in, I was on schedule last year too :P

So here's the first excerpt. Note that this isn't the beginning of my novel, just one scene.

"Nasty Nika booger eater!" The girl chanted in a high pitched sing-song voice. "Daddy left her, mommy beats her, even dogs don't wanna eat her." She pointed at Nika and laughed, one hand covering her mouth. Nika sat with her legs spread, digging in the dirt with a stick just about the size of a pencil, but thicker. She was on the far edge of the playground, beyond hearing range of the teacher, and she'd thought she was far enough away from the other kids that no one would notice her. Her limp hair clung to her face, streaked with dirt and sweat. Nika watched the girl, Becky, with a blank expression. "What's a matter? Cat got yer tongue?" Becky stood with one hand on her hip. Nika squinted up, pausing in her digging. "Freak." Becky hissed and stomped off, back toward a group of girls huddled around the tether ball pole. Nika watched the girls gesturing at her, laughing and tossing their heads back in amusement.

"They're just jealous." Nika whispered. She dug into the packed dirt. "Stupid girls, stupid, stupid, stupid." She punctuated each word with the stick. She looked up at the girls again. They were leaning in, their heads touching. Nika wondered what they were talking about, what they were plotting. She stood up and dusted her hands on her faded blue jeans. Four bruises marred the side of her right bicep, nearly the perfect outline of a man's fingers. She tucked the stick in her back pocket and walked slowly toward the pack of girls. A couple of them glanced at her and giggled. All of them were dressed in clean, bright clothes. Some of them wore braids, others wore their hair loose and shiny straight. They smiled with pearly white teeth and blinked bright, clear, eyes. Nika stood out in contrast. Her brown hair hung limp and stringy across a face streaked with dirt. Her eyes were clouded and dull, and her expression rarely changed. She looked, for lack of a better word, haunted.

"Becky." Nika's voice was barely audible, nothing more than a hoarse whisper among the din that is an elementary school playground. "Becky." Nika repeated, louder. Becky had her back turned, but the other girls saw Nika talking, heard her whisper Becky's name. They tapped her on the shoulder, pointed toward Nika. Becky turned around and wrinkled her nose.

"Eww, what do you want nasty Nika booger eater?" Her voice was a sneer. She crossed her arms defiantly.

"Nothing." Nika stood perfectly still, her hands hanging limp at her sides. "Nothing at all." She turned slowly, obviously intending to walk back toward the edge of the playground. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." Anda echoed in her head. "Stupid girls do stupid thing. Bad girl Nika, bad girl Nika." Anda's voice was a chastising whine. Nika gritted her teeth. Anda was going to ruin everything if she didn't shut up. She made a low hissing sound, as if trying to shush her imaginary friend. She continued to walk slowly away from the other girls. "Bad Nika, bad, bad, bad."

All at once Nika felt hands on her back, pushing her forward, throwing her off balance. She stumbled, managed a few more steps, then stumbled again, finally pitching foward. She caught herself with her hands and knees, wincing as her left shin came crashing down on a sharp rock. Nika felt herself being shoved further down against the ground, her hands knocked from under her. She struggled to get back to her knees, but was suddenly pinned down by the weight of someone sitting on her back. "Uh oh spaghetti oh." Anda's voice again "Yer in trouble now missy." Nika grinned slightly as she stared into the dirt. Sometimes people were so predictable. She wiggled enough beneath Becky's weight to get her left arm beneath her and her right arm slightly behind her. The girls were laughing and cheering. All at once Nika began to roll to her left, using her arm as leverage. At the same time she reached for the stick protruding just over the top of her back pants pocket. It was just small enough to hide, but big enough to be used for what Nika was about to do. Using the force of her own momentum as she turned, Nika rammed the stick into the soft inside of Becky's left ankle. She felt the skin give way, like the popping of an under inflated balloon. The blood trickled down Becky's foot and across Nika's fingers before anyone even realized what happened. Then suddenly Becky was screaming.

I haven't died or anything

2006-10-18T05:47:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the month long absence. There's been a boatload of stuff going on, and it's just now starting to get a little better. I'm anxiously looking forward to National Novel Writing Month next month. I'd really like to "win" this year, but we'll see how it goes.

I'm debating back and forth about whether I should "write" here on my blog or not. Part of me thinks it would encourage me to keep writing and strive for the 50k word count goal, but part of me thinks I'll get bogged down in the thought of other people reading it and give in to self consciousness. I've got two weeks to make up my mind.

My daughter went to violin camp last weekend. She had a really good time, and I'm glad she'll have these kinds of experiences too look back on when she's grown. It struck me the other day that she's starting to grow up in fast motion all of the sudden. She's still rather innocent, but little things are changing every day, in both her looks and her personality. My little girl is rapidly being replaced by a young woman. I hope her dad and I have given her, and will continue to give her, the basic building blocks she needs to build a successful life.

My son is enjoying school and life. He asked me to have his teacher send home some extra work for him, and he was working on that every day. He also wrote me a cool story about a shark named Anda. I'm constantly impressed by both his intelligence and his caring nature.

Anyway, it's time for me to get some other things done. Hope to write again soon!

Long Week

2006-09-21T06:37:00.000-05:00

For some reason it seems as though this week has been incredibly long. I'm not sure if it's the fact that the cats are keeping me from sleeping very well, the fact that I'm without Internet, or just one of those random things, but whatever it is I feel like I've been stuck in this week forever and it's only Thursday!

I don't really have anything to rant/post about today. Nothing interesting happening in the news. E Coli is still popping up all over the place from this tainted spinach, the Atlantis shuttle touched down, but other than that there's just nothing, and I don't usually feel the need to blog on the same old crap everyone else is talking about.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a more thought provoking day.

So Anyway...

2006-09-20T05:57:00.000-05:00

As I was going to post on Monday, my mom got married this weekend. I believe it's her 6th official, legal, marriage, but this would be her first one straight and sober. The guy she married is a good guy, and they seem really happy. I'd say this one has the most potential to last.

Her wedding was an outside affair, attended by most of our family, some of his family, and a handful of friends. It was a gorgeous day, sunny and warm, and I think everyone had a good time. It was nice to see some members of my family I haven't seen in a while. There's always lots of laughs when we get together.

Since they're out of town this week, I'm babysitting their cat, Wingnut. I have three cats of my own, so the original plan was to keep Wing in my kid's bedroom so that there wouldn't be a conflict between him and my cats. You can assume if I'm referring to that as "the original plan" that things did not go as I had anticipated. Our first problem was that our cats were just fascinated with the idea of another cat living in the bedroom. They laid in front of the door, stuck their paws underneath, and tugged on the door. The result is a rather annoying banging of the door in it's frame. This went on all night Sunday & Monday night, leaving two very groggy and tired people.

It became apparent that our youngest cat, Rocket aka Rocky, really wanted to check this new fellow out. So we took Rocky into the bedroom with Wing and let him hang out for a while on Monday evening. They played, goofed off, and seemed to enjoy each other. We repeated it yesterday evening with similar results. Finally, around 8 last night, we opened the bedroom door and let the four cats greet each other to see how it would go. When there wasn't a grand display of poofy tails and hissing, I decided to let Wing wander around for a bit. Come bedtime, the four of them seemed to be getting along ok, mostly chasing each other around and playing. I figured they'd get tired of running and settle down within a couple hours.

But no......

They chased each other all...damn...night, round and round and round and round. It was better than hearing the constant door banging of the night before, but still not exactly peaceful. See, our three have come to understand that we sleep at night and they generally settle down around 11 or 12 at the latest. Wing, apparently, has never learned that nighttime is for sleeping and he wasn't about to let any of our three rest. I put him back in the bedroom while we're at work today and I'll let him out again this evening. Hopefully there will be more peace tonight, but I'm not counting on it. Four more nights until he goes home!

The danger in drug testing.

2006-09-19T06:01:00.000-05:00

Imagine for a moment that you were given a drug test as a condition for employment at a company. You knew there was no reason to worry about it, as the last time you'd done any drugs at all was a joint you smoked 15 years prior. Imagine that drug test came back positive for cocaine and you were fired on the spot, with no option to challenge the test. What would you do? Would it change your views about the policies regarding drug testing?

My boyfriend, I'll call him D, encountered the above situation. Now, before you even think it...I am 100% sure this man doesn't do drugs, especially cocaine. He's lived with me a year and a half, and had zero money since he wasn't working until just recently. Aside from the fact that I grew up around enough druggies to recognize the signs of usage, and I know him well enough to know his stand on drugs, he simply didn't have the ability to purchase cocaine. But you believing in him isn't necessary for this hypothetical situation.

You've been drug tested via hair analysis and deemed a cocaine user. Company policy is you're fired on the spot, despite your work record, despite the fact that not one member of management believes you to be on drugs, despite the fact that you vehemently insist the test was wrong. The company provides no method of dispute, even though there is a definite measurable, and reported, "false positive" rate in all methods of drug testing. You're told simply that you can pay to have another hair analysis done and they "might" reconsider your firing.

Would you pay $70 you don't really have to spend, to "maybe" save a $7.50 an hour job? Should a company hiring someone for stocking shelves in the freezer of a bulk item grocery store even be testing for past drug use, instead of current drug use via a urine test? Shouldn't there be a law that permits you to challenge the results of a drug test and be retested at the company's expense...billed back to you if you test positive a second time? Should there be a law saying they have to take two samples, like in cycling, and have both come back positive in order to issue a "positive" result? Why is there no protection for an employee falsely accused of taking drugs?

Ridiculous Intolerance

2006-09-18T06:07:00.000-05:00

You know, I was going to write about my Mom's wedding this weekend, and the fact that I'm babysitting her cat etc, but a much more important topic just sort of landed in my lap.
Here where I work there's a pre-op transsexual, I'll call her G. Anyway, G started work here as a man, and later decided to become a woman. She'd always been a rather effeminate male anyway, and was rumored to be gay or "queer" in some sense. After she started taking hormones, she let the manufacturing manager know, and the office manager, who informed all the employees. Now, I think anyone who works in manufacturing in Southwestern Ohio would be able to tell you that, well, things are very closed minded around here. G quickly found that people who'd been her friends for years suddenly wanted nothing to do with her at all. Not only that, but there was a constant buzz of conversation behind her back. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think anyone would have expected a bunch of blue collar men to 100% accept that one of their buddies had decided to change gender, but I think G was honestly surprised that they couldn't seem to understand that G and the man they'd known and liked were the same person.
I made sure G knew I supported her decision and would be her friend regardless of what others thought of me or her. I know what it's like to be on the outside of a group, and more importantly I recognized that it would be a difficult road for G here.
What prompted me to write this today is something that happened Friday, but only came to my attention this morning. We had a little cookout here Friday, in honor of a long time employee who's moving to another state. G did all of the grilling, as she usually does. She invited T, her girlfriend, to hang out with us. In retrospect, she probably should have asked if it was ok, but G has been here a long time and didn't think there would be any problem with a friend stopping by to eat with us. We weren't inside the plant, and it was G's lunch hour anyway. It should, be noted that T is also a transsexual.
G was told on Friday afternoon, by the plant manager, that she'd ruined the whole cookout. Because of the narrow minded mental midgets who work in the plant, G got berated. It would have been ok if T was a genetic girl, or a genetic guy, but because she was a transsexual, it ruined the whole cookout? It disgusts me that people can't open their minds enough to see past their own hangups. What difference does it make whether G or T are genetic guys, genetic girls, or transsexuals? I heard some of the guys making ridiculous comments like "I need antibiotics now" and other such stupidity. I hate to break it to all the redneck morons here, but G and T are far less likely to have a disease than the rest of the hetero yahoos. I'm not going to get into the details, but keep in mind they're both pre-op and are taking female hormones....and extrapolate from there.
Anyway, the point is that people have to look past their own fears and insecurities. G and T aren't hurting anyone, so it doesn't make any sense to me that people can't just leave them alone. All you do, when you pick at people, is highlight the very things you're most scared and vulnerable about. It's clear to me, now, that most of the men here are very insecure in their sexuality. They're so worried that they might be called gay that they can't even tolerate, much less be friends with, someone who's worked here for years. It's sad, and it's a side of humanity that I wish more than anything could be changed. It's that attitude and those views that keep the queer community in the shadows.

Current Events

2006-09-15T06:08:00.000-05:00

I know this blog runs back and forth between opinion/personal diary type content and, well, just mouthy ranting, but I thought for a moment I'd take a look at some current events and give just a brief opinion on them and the sites that report them. Why? Because I want to. So let's take a little tour of some news websites and see what they're biggest stories are, shall we?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14846353/
MSNBC.com's top story of the moment is about the pope's "offensive" remarks about Muslims and how outraged the muslim community is. Aww, are the religious people mad at each other? This reminds me of the around the clock news coverage of the previous pope's death. It's what I call sheep news, news with no real purpose but to draw a click from your average sheep. The gist of the whole story can be summed up in three sentences. The pope said something bad about muhammad. Muslims are mad. Pope's people say he didn't mean it, honest!

http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/09/15/tainted.spinach
CNN.com seems to be going for the "scare em into clicking" top news story with a report about an Ecoli outbreak from bagged spinach. I can't fault this story, though, because this is something I think SHOULD be reported and I have to give props to CNN for at least bumping it above the Pope's anti-muslim remarks!

http://www.foxnews.com/
Fox news takes a little different approach. They "feature" three news stories on their main page, complete with picture and bolded text, whereas both CNN and MSNBC go for the one main feature story. Fox's choice in stories? Well, they've got both the Ecoli and Pope story, plus an extra on the current violence in Iraq. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,213921,00.html Though I still think the pope story is nowhere near front page material, I at least give Fox credit for making him share the spotlight with Ecoli and that little war we've been fighting for a few years now.

http://abcnews.go.com/
ABC runs a rotating animation of a few top stories. They've got the Ecoli breakout, Ford cutting employee numbers http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory?id=2447301, convicted killer Robert/Michelle Kosilek wanting the state to pay for her sex change http://abcnews.go.com/US/LegalCenter/story?id=2440310&page=1, Justin Timberlake's appearance on Good Morning America's fall concert series http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/FallConcert/, and of course the ever important question of "Should fashion designers have the ability to copyright their designs?"
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/story?id=2442802&page=1 Obviously the Timberlake story is nothing but a thinly veiled advertisement for their concert series, which doesn't suprise me considering their site has popup ads on nearly every page. Note that ABC seems to have missed the pope's remarks altogether, or they don't consider them front page material! Sadly they also seem to consider fashion designer copyright and an ad for their concert series more important "news" than the war in Iraq.

http://www.cbsnews.com/
CBS deems the pope the top story of the day, worthy of bolded headline and large picture. CBS also has a different take on how to annoy their readers with ads. First, the top half of their page is a giant ad with a "close ad" button in the top left corner. Oh! But the ad doesn't really "close" it just shrinks to a banner ad that randomly "opens" itself to cover half the page again. Even if I wanted to get my news from this site I wouldn't put up with that annoying ad long enough to bother! That's even more annoying than msnbc's cruddy "fly-out" menus along the side. At least those you can disable.

Well, that's my little tour of the news sites. Yeah, I didn't particularly say much, but oh well. It's Friday!

NANOWRIMO

2006-09-12T08:44:00.000-05:00

We're less than two months away from this year's NANOWRIMO, aka National Novel Writing Month. During the month of November, insane writers from around the world (including me!) will attempt to write a 50 thousand word "novel" in thirty days. Last year I managed only 9 thousand words and gave up two weeks into November. This year my goal is to get at least double what I ended up with last year, though obviously I'd like to actually get to 50k.

I'm adding the NANOWRIMO link to my sidebar for anyone else who'd like to read about it/participate. Join the insanity!

Jimmie Ira Holley

2006-09-11T06:04:00.000-05:00

Jimmie Ira Holley, a 54 year old husband, father, and grandfather, went to work at the Pentagon that fall day as he did every day. A former Army veteran of Vietnam and a survivor of quadruple bypass surgery, he was a beloved figure in the hearts and minds of his family and friends. Like 2995 other people, he never came home. I don't know anything personally about Mr. Holley, since I didn't have the courage to disturb his family with my inept inquiries. All I have read about him can not compare, I'm sure, to the reality of him. But of course, I can never get to know the reality of him, because on one fall morning 2996 people, including Jimmie Ira Holley, were taken forever in a senseless act of terrorism.

I could talk to his wife, his daughter, his son, his granddaughter, but I wouldn't want to reopen wounds that are not mine to open. I don't want to intrude on memories that belong to him and his family alone. So I will leave this memorial brief and say only this.

Jimmie Ira Holley, I remember.

Conspiracy Theories....why?

2006-09-08T06:09:00.000-05:00

With September 11 looming in the distance, I thought I'd touch on something that I've never quite understood, conspiracy theories. Nearly every time there's a major incident resulting in the loss of life, regardless of how it occurred, someone reaches to the far depths of reality and offers forth a bizarre theory by loosely stringing together the facts of the case with pure conjecture.

We saw it with the JFK assassination, the death of Princess Diana, and of course the events of September 11, 2001. I understand that human nature is to want answers, but what is it that makes people grasp onto someone else's delusion without even checking any facts? Is it an inability to process complex information? Is it that they so desperately want to have "the answers" that they'll accept any answers regardless of how far fetched?

To give you an example. There is a video called "Loose Change" about the events of September 11, 2001. I won't link it here since I don't want to seem as though I'm in any way promoting this man's lunacy. The basic idea in this video is that the US Government was directly responsible for everything that happened that day. Oh yes. The US Government killed thousands of innocent citizens in an effort to um, hmm, what was it they were trying to do again? Oh, that's right, start a war...I guess. I watched the video and was immediately struck by some of the glaring inaccuracies and outright silly leaps in logic, but it's obvious from their forums and people commenting elsewhere that some people don't have that sort of reasoning power. People are actually believing this crap!

Now, I don't have the time nor the space here to get into a point by point rebuttal of the video, but thankfully I don't have to! It's already been done beautifully by the folks over at http://www.loosechangeguide.com/LooseChangeGuide.html If you've already googled and downloaded the video to watch, and if you're anything like me you already did, then at least put forth the extra effort to skim through the guide.

I understand that filtering this type of information takes a certain amount of reasoning ability, but if you can't manage to understand all of the information, then don't just accept whatever theory "feels" better to you! No matter what sort of pretty package they've wrapped around their well crafted pile of shit, it's still shit. Don't just eat it up! Sniff it, poke it with a stick, pick it apart and see it for what it really is. Then share your new found intelligence with the other sheep, won't you?

Internet outages suxxors

2006-09-07T11:45:00.000-05:00

The internet was out here at work when I got here this morning so I'm making a brief lunchtime post instead of a nice leisurely morning one.

I haven't even had time to read the news sites today I've been so busy! Looking forward to filet mignon and schezuan veggies and rice for dinner tonight. It'll be the first time I've had filet mignon and I'll be damned if I know how to make it right...but I'm sure gonna try.

I'm sure some very interesting stuff has happened all over the place today, but alas the highlight of my day so far has been the boston cream pie yogurt I just had. So, um, yeah. Grats on good stuff, that sucks on the negative stuff, and hope to post more tomorrow.

Thanks D for the filet mignon and good luck on that math test!

Hero?

2006-09-06T06:05:00.000-05:00

Wendesday mornings are pretty nice when you wake up thinking it's Tuesday. I haven't adjusted to this getting up earlier thing yet, but I'm getting there.

I'm sure everyone has read by now that crocodile hunter Steve Irwin died in a bizarre stingray incident. His death brings to mind what I've briefly touched on before, namely the tendency to brand people a hero after they've passed.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed watching Crocodile Hunter and so did my kids. I'm also aware that Steve Irwin was a conservationist, and that he worked tirelessly for the Australian Zoo and other causes. But, a hero? He was an entertainer. Granted, he was an entertainer with a cause, but he was still an entertainer. Maybe my bar for hero is set higher than the norm, or maybe I just don't see the heroism in getting paid to do something. I'm not saying Steve Irwin wasn't a good guy, devoted to his family and to the causes he believed in, but there's a pretty big leap between good guy and hero.

There is nothing inately noble about dying. We all do it eventually!

The 1213 Club

2006-09-05T06:21:00.000-05:00

Ah wretched Tuesday after a holiday, oh how I hate ye. Why is it that getting up the day after a holiday is such a chore? You would think you'd be rejuvenated after an extra day off, but noooo. I had a difficult time falling asleep last night, and the boyfriend's new hours mean I have to get up an hour before I'm accustomed to. The result is that I feel like I'm still half asleep and ready to crawl back into bed!

I spent all day yesterday at this place called the 1213 club with my mom, who's coming up on her 2 year clean mark. It's a NA/AA hangout where those in recovery can go to, basically, learn that there's fun to be had even when you're straight and sober. It's also there to be a place where addicts in various stages of recovery can help and sponsor each other. It's an impressive place, full of friendship and support. I've never been an addict or an alcholic but I can see how a place like that would really benefit people struggling to get clean.

There was one woman there who'd relapsed friday night after four months of being clean. When she walked in the door, no one shunned her, no one told her they were disappointed in her, no one said anything but welcome back. I could tell she was struggling through the day. Her hands shook and she looked like she hadn't slept well, but she stayed, and she absorbed the support of all the people who'd been right where she was, and for yesterday she was clean.

I have to admit I was pretty proud of myself when I quit smoking, but I am more proud of my mom's accomplishments with battling drugs and alcohol. I think for a long time I thought it was just that she didn't want to be any different, but now I realize that she desperately did want to be different, she just didn't know how. The human mind is a complex and scary place sometimes. It will let us bury our pain in food, drink, drugs. It takes stepping outside of that delusion and looking at yourself in an honest, and often very painful, way to take control of your life. I'm not sure it's something I would be able to do. I'm not an alcoholic or addict, but I think I bury just as much as those who are, so I can somewhat understand just how hard it is to really see yourself and not look away.

As I looked around yesterday at the group of 50 some odd people, I could see the different stages of recovery. For some of them the pain was as raw and visible as a scab, and I couldn't help wonder how many of them would manage to make it to 6 months or beyond. I wondered what my mom had looked like those first few months of her recovery, if her eyes had held the same haunted stare. I don't see that in her now. I won't say she's recovered, because as any addict will tell you, there's no cure, but I will say that I believe she's in for the long haul. She's seen the bottom, and I don't believe she ever intends to get there again.

EI Interactive - Dude, we want to steal your money!

2006-09-01T06:24:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't know me, allow me to tell you a little something about myself. I'm a gamer, notably MMORPGs (Massive Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Games)

I have played many games over the years, from Everquest to World of Warcraft to Saga of Ryzom, you name it and I've probably at least run the trial. This post, however, is about a little game called Horizons and a little company called EI Interactive who insists on becoming my "arch enemy" of sorts. Please, allow me to elaborate.

On July 21, 2006 EI Interactive purchased the MMORPG Horizons. Horizons is a struggling niche game with only a few thousand subscribers. I could go into all the reasons why I love that game, but I wouldn't want others to rush to try it only to be burned by the current owners. Anyway, my original intent was to ride out the change in ownership and see how it went, but I came into a little financial trouble.

So at the end of July I began to attempt to cancel my account. Let me describe to you, my friends, how this went.

Late July 2006:

I go to the account management page on the istaria.com website and attempt to cancel in the "normal" method for this type of game. Hmm, it would seem that page does not work. I have no subscription listed, therefore nothing to cancel. The only option is to enter in a credit card number and I'm not about to do that...I'm trying to cancel, not subscribe again!

I put in a support ticket. I'd seen quite a few complaints that these weren't being answered, but what the heck, might as well give it a shot.

I go to http://www.eiinteractive.com/contact.htm and call every phone number listed. You'll note that there are no longer phone numbers listed on that page, nor is their Montana address listed. Wonder why they removed contact information? That's an odd move for a "reputable" company. All phone numbers I called led to one of two places: a circular automated system with no valid choices, or a line that rang more than 15 times before saying "all circuits are busy" and then disconnected you.

I emailed every available email address stating I wished to cancel my account. I never got any response to those emails.

I waited. At that point, there was nothing further I could do but wait and hope that they got my account cancelled. You can reasonable assume from this post that my waiting was in vain.

August 9, 2006:
I get billed for $12.95. The charge overdrafts my account! EI in one action ensures I will never play Horizons again.

I post on the forums located at community.istaria.com/forum and posted accusing them of fraud. I also emailed again every available email address, gave them all of my contact information, and accused them of fraud.

Edward Andercheck, chairman of EI Interactive and other companies, called me personally at work. Sounds good, right? Oh no, not good at all. You see, Mr. Andercheck's primary concern in calling me was to brow beat me, threaten to sue me for libel, and in general repeat over and over that it was not fraud. His attitude was absolutely atrocious. He was condescending, arrogant, abrasive, and generally very difficult to communicate with. He told me multiple times to shut up when I was trying to direct the conversation away from his lecture on the definition of fraud and back to what was important, my billing issue. He did, however, agree to refund my bank account for the money they billed me.

Just to cover my bases, I filed a complaint with both the Better Business Bureau and the Internet Crime Complaint Center and, at the advice of my bank, filed a charge dispute with my bank. I requested a complaint form from the Montana Attorney General.

EI refunded my charge. I canceled my dispute with my bank, and had my bank refund the overdraft fees associated with that charge. The complaint form from the Montana Attorney General never arrived, but I let it slide. It looked as though EI Interactive might be at least attempting to get billing straightened out since they put up links for cancelation and billing problems. Oh but wait, my story does not end there!

What did I wake up to this morning? If you said ANOTHER charge from EI Interactive, well you'd get the gold star of the day!*

I have NEVER entered into a billing agreement with EI Interactive. At no time did I click, sign, or agree to, any billing by this company. The EULA I agreed to every time I logged into the game said Tulga Games, the billing screen I signed up with originally said Tulga Games. At no time did I agree to maintain my subscription and I have in fact attempted through every available avenue to CANCEL.

Edward C. Andercheck can claim libel all he wants, this is fraud pure and simple. You can censor me on your forums EI Interactive, but you can't silence me everywhere! I'm not afraid of you, nor will I be brow beaten as I was last month.

Judgemental Atheists!

2006-08-17T11:52:00.000-05:00

I've just started hanging out at www.atheistparent.org/forum

As I read through that site, and posted here and there, it occurred to me that atheists can be just as closed minded and judgemental as christians. I guess logic should have led me to that conclusion before, since it seems like the majority of people are incapable of seeing past their own personal predjudices and beliefs. It always seems to take me off guard when someone can be so open minded in one aspect of their life, yet so totally myopic in another. For some reason there seems to be a sect of atheists who believe, not only that religion should not be forced upon them, but that atheism should be pushed on those who are religious.

They base it on the purely subjective assumption that atheism is the better way. Personally, I think both views are valid. Some people need to believe in a higher power, they need to believe in the notion of an afterlife. I don't fault them their need for that kind of belief. My mom was a drug addict for years and years. She's now clean, and a "born again" christian. She needs to believe in god because it's that belief that gives her the mental strength to beat her addiction one day at a time. I don't fault her. I, personally, think believing in a higher power is shirking personal responsibility for your actions and circumstance.

I consider religion, or the lack of religion, to be something that should be respected as personal choice. The only time I have a problem with christianity and religion is when followers try to shove their personal world views on me, and/or the rest of the country.

Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying participating in the forums at www.atheistparents.org/forums and I intend to hang around. There are some very intelligent, rational, people who post and I anticipate some great discussions in the future. By no means is closed-mindedness the standard on those forums, and I don't discourage anyone from joining up and participating.

Trying to be healthier

2006-07-25T14:27:00.000-05:00

I am trying to change little things in my life in an attempt to be healthier. While I would like to lose weight, that's not my primary goal. My primary goal is to feel better. I've had issues with arthritis, insomnia, depression, and more physical aches and pains than I can reasonably relate here. I'm 29 years old and I feel 50. I have to change something. However, I can't handle change all in one block, so I'm making one change at a time. Then, when I adjust to that change, I make another one.

So far I've cut out fast food at work (I sit at a desk all day), and added in "light" lunches. Sometimes it's salad, sometimes a sandwich, but I always include a yogurt so I feel like I'm getting dessert. I figure I've gotten my lunch to less than 500 calories, which is pretty good considering I have no inclination to eat breakfast. I don't actually count calories, as that feels too time intensive and constricting, but I'm definitely down from what I was intaking before. It's a pretty big cut in calories from eating Lasagna and garlic bread from Pasta Wagon, and a salad apple and yogurt.

A while back I shifted from regular Mountain Dew to Diet Mountain Dew. Now I'm phasing out Diet Mountain Dew altogether. I'm substituting water in it's place and am already up to drinking a 2.3 liter container of water every day during work hours. I figure my water consumption will go up even further now that I'm cutting out Mountain Dew after work as well.

I've already noticed that I feel better and more clear-headed during the day. I haven't weighed myself (I don't own a scale) but it seem as if I've lost a few pounds too!

Just to be clear, I love food. I am NOT on any kind of diet. I'm altering small things, letting myself adjust until it becomes the "normal" way of things, then changing another small thing. I won't restrict myself, count calories or follow some fad diet plan. I just want to feel healthier. That's my only goal.

Writing to write, or writing to be read?

2006-07-18T15:03:00.000-05:00

I'm having trouble posting on a consistent basis, as anyone who actually bothers to stop by here has no doubt seen. I think it's because I'm writing to be heard, instead of writing just to write. The truth is, I love to write, but have trouble actually doing it. I have tons of ideas for novels, characters, situations, but when it comes to writing them down I freeze long before I finish.

I'm an evil self editor, bound and determined to make every sentence polished enough for publication before I even write it. The result is that nothing I write ever "sounds" good to me. By the time I've read it through a dozen or so times, I've decided that no one in their right mind is going to want to read it, and I usually get rid of it. I find myself doing the same thing with this blog. I write a few paragraphs, reread them until I've decided they're horrible, then delete and go on with my day. The result is, I feel like I've written something...but my blog goes unupdated.

Sorry folks, I'll try to do better!

Flag Burning

2006-07-03T14:07:00.000-05:00

Today the US Senate considers a proposed constitutional amendment to make burning the flag illegal.

Now I understand why it would be illegal to burn your neighbor's flag, or to burn the flag you stole from the local city hall, but how does anyone think it's appropriate to make it illegal to burn your own property? Because it's a symbol of the country? Well, duh. That's why it's chosen for burning by those vehemently opposed to some portion of American politics. That doesn't mean it should be illegal!

When Islamics threw such a fuss over the Danish cartoons depicting Mohammad...it was made out to be religious fanaticism, a joke to be laughed at...but burning the flag is different only in the sense that it's not a religious topic. It's the same basic principle, freedom of speech, and it's something this country was founded on. It's pretty sad when we'll defend the rights of Danish cartoonists but not American protesters.

Burning the flag is, at it's essence, another way to speak out against the government. That's it...that's all it is. It' s constitutionally protected freedom of speech. There is absolutely no basis for making this activity illegal except to lay the foundation for the stripping of other freedoms.

The first amendment to the constitution says:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Let's break the first amendment down into it's parts, shall we?

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion
Congress shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise thereof (referring to religion still)
Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech
Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of the press
Congress shall make no law abridging the right of the people peaceably to assemble
Congress shall make no law abridging the abridging the freedom to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

NO LAW...Congress shall make no law.

How can burning the flag be considered anything BUT free speech? Therefore, how can this even be considered as a viable law?

The Singing Comedian

2006-06-30T11:36:00.000-05:00

http://www.stephenlynch.com/

I just recently discovered Stephen Lynch, the singing comedian. I find his stuff unendingly hysterical. You can see some for yourself by going to www.youtube.com and searching for Stephen Lynch, but here's one example for your enjoyment!

September 11

2006-06-28T10:51:00.000-05:00

http://www.dcroe.com/2996/

There's a movement to honor the victims of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack by giving them each a memorial blog on 9/11/2006 (with centralized links at the site above)

Now, I'm generally not impressed with the way our society attempts to make a hero of every person who dies, but I've decided to offer my blog for a memorial anyway, and I'll tell you why. Every person who died that day left someone behind. The victim may have been a criminal, a cheat, a liar, a jerk, a bitch...but to the people they left behind, they were someone important and special. For that reason, they deserve to be remembered. They weren't all heroes, they weren't all valiant and brave, but they were all people with all of the many facets of life that entails. For that, they deserve to be remembered.

It's also important that we as a society are reminded that we're not untouchable and we're not perfect. We have a bad habit of seeing ourselves as a guiding hand for the rest of the world, standing above them, but we're not, and nothing proves that more than the events of September 11, 2001.

South Dakota, Abortion, and the bigger picture

2006-03-10T12:52:00.000-05:00

South Dakota has set forth a law banning abortion in every sense except to protect the health of the mother. It does not provide for cases of rape/incest. I think this is an absolutely spectacular thing. Wait! Don't go yet, I have a good reason for saying that!

First, to clear up any question about my personal position on the issue, I am anti-abortion in the sense that I think abortion is used too often as a form of birth control, and I find it deplorable that an innocent life be taken because someone who should have had the capacity to say no, didn't. With that said, I don't think laws against abortion are the way to go.

So why do I think this law is such a grand idea?

South Dakota passed this law as a challenge to Roe vs Wade in hopes of prodding pro-choice organizations into taking it to the Supreme court. Their hope is that good old Dubya's new "conservative" judges will be enough to carry this anti-abortion law. The ramifications of this law being upheld by the Supreme court are far reaching because at its very root, this is a personal choice versus enforced governmental morality debate. If this law is upheld it sets a precedent. It says we want big daddy goverment to tell us what's right and wrong and enforce those beliefs under penalty of law.

So again, why do I think this law is such a good idea?

It's a catalyst for discussion, debate, and activism. This law has caused an uproar, a tidal wave of fury, and not just in the communities you'd expect. People are talking about this law and more importantly the underlying idea that the goverment should regulate our morals. While gay marriage bans passed with barely a whimper in 2004 other than in the affected community, this abortion law has gone over with the subtlety of a gunshot wound to the head. This will be fought, and fought hard, and in the end the Supreme Court will overturn South Dakota's law. The result will be a precedent for the battles yet to be fought over laws that never should have been enacted. More importantly the battle spurs conversation, and conversation is always good, especially if it gives a deeper understanding of the basics of a complicated issue. Women want to retain their personal freedom of deciding whether or not abortion is right for them, gays want to gain the personal freedom to marry whomever they choose regardless of gender. It's the same fight, people. Every argument that's used to keep gay marriage illegal can be used to make abortion illegal.

It's not just these two issues that are intertwined. You have to look at this in the bigger picture. The government is trying to mandate a national morality, a legally enforced code of right and wrong. It won't stop until enough people stand together, arm in arm, regardless of differences and say "ENOUGH!" You don't have to support what a person does to support their right to do it. This country was founded on the idea that religion, and by extension morality, should not be something the government forces on it's people. We can't let Dubya and his cronies take that away from us, and this SD law opens up the avenue by which we can make our stand. It will fail in the Supreme Court and it will unleash enough fury that other, lesser heard, communities can ride in behind and get/restore the rights they are entitled to.

2006-01-10T11:06:00.000-05:00

So Crappy McCrapman, the evil demon who follows me around making my life suck, has deemed it necessary to destroy my beloved computer.

I will ignore, for a moment, the ramifications of losing my computer, and instead focus on what's important. Namely the people who somehow become computer experts the second something goes wrong with someone else's computer. Over the last two days I have gotten advice from people I barely trust to use a fork without hurting themselves, yet somehow they know exactly what's wrong with my computer.

Now, I appreciate that they're "just trying to help" but honestly can't they leave it to the people who actually know what the hell they're talking about? You don't see me popping into someone's heart surgery going "Hey guys, just stopped in to offer some advice!" Why? Because I'm not so stupid as to think I can offer any wisdom on a subject I "watched a tv show about" or "saw online" or "read in a book"

To put it briefly, my system locked up and now powers up but does not post. I have done extensive work eliminating things like my peripherals, ram and cables as the source of the problem. I also reset the bios and replaced the power supply and motherboard. I feel confident in saying that I have done everything within my power except replace the processor. I'm at the point now where there just isn't anything to blame it on but the processor.

As I've gone through this process, here is some of the "advice" I've gotten.

Idiot_01: Pull your ram one at a time
Me: Already did that
Idiot_01: Pull it all out
Me: Already did that. I also moved the sticks around
Idiot_01: It really sounds like a ram problem

Huh? How does that sound like a ram problem? It sounds to me like I've ELIMINATED the ram as a source for the problem. I have three sticks of ram. What do you think the odds are that all three of them failed at the exact same moment, and it doesn't post without any ram in it either, which means that coincidentally the slots ALSO failed at the exact same moment. Well thank you Einstein for figuring things out for me! How could I have ever done it without you?!

Me: So far I've done ~>insert 20 things I tried before I replaced the power supply<~ I've pretty much gotten to where it's either the motherboard or the processor
Idiot_02: Did you check your power supply?
Me: I just replaced it, didn't help.
Idiot_02: Did you ~>insert 20 things I already mentioned<~?
Me: Yeah, I just told you I did all that
Idiot_02: Yeah, that sounds like a motherboard or processor problem

Ooh, thank you for the affirmation oh wise and knowledgable one! I was doubting myself, but having you double check every step and then come to the SAME FRIGGIN CONCLUSION, makes me sure I was right. I hope I can rely on you for confirming all of life's great mysteries in the future...like does that button on the front REALLY turn the computer on?

Idiot_03: Why don't you just get a new computer?
Me: Because I can't afford it
Idiot_03: Maybe you can fix the one you have.
Me: Uh, I thought that's what I was trying to do
Idiot_03: You should send it to a repair shop
Me: I can't afford it. Besides, it's a frankenstein system, it's not worth putting that much money into it.
Idiot_03: You should just get a new one

Uh..what the hell? Circular logic for the win! I swear sometimes it's like the person I'm talking to has managed somehow to disconnect the part of their brain that is responsible for reason and coherent thought. It's like talking to a two year old in an adults body.

So here's some advice for all you wanna be techies. Make sure you know what the frick you're talking about before you share it with the rest of the world.

Congratulations!

2005-12-21T15:40:00.000-05:00

Congratulations Sir Elton John and David Furnish, and all other gay/lesbian couples who have made their loves official today across the UK. Enjoy your lives together!

Maybe one day The United States, a self touted superpower of the world, will look at itself and see the hypocrisy of trying to rid the world of civil rights violations while not holding itself to the same standards.

Don't talk to me...I'm busy being offended.

2005-12-21T15:39:00.000-05:00

When did this whole idea of never uttering a single word that may, in any way, potentially offend a single other living person on the planet, come into play? I used to think it was an entirely American phenomenon but it appears other countries are also having issues. Don't get me wrong, I understand the concept of not intentionally offending someone, but how did this concept get so far out of hand? It's one thing to enact anti discrimination law, anti hate laws, and require workplaces to be devoid of harrassment, but man do we have a snowball rolling out of control now!

We have bred a generation of people who seem to think it is their inalienable right to never encounter anything they find even vaguely disagreeable. It is to these people, those living in a constant state of offense, that I direct the following rant.

Shut the hell up! The clerk at the store wasn't trying to strip you of your Jewish heritage by wishing you a Merry Christmas. Maybe if you walked around with a sign around your neck that reads "I'm Jewish. Oh, and I have the reasoning capacity of your average two year old" it would clear up any future confusion, because obviously you are incapable of either giving a polite response such as "and a Happy Hannukah to you" or simply nodding your air-filled head and going on with your day. I don't believe in religion at all, but you don't see me flying off the handle and demanding compensation every time someone blesses me for sneezing. Why? Because I'm pretty sure they weren't trying to strip me of my right to freedom of religion with their sly niceness. Here's another news flash for you.

Black people are NOT African-American. Not unless they JUST FRIGGIN GOT HERE! Having ancestors that were dragged here unwillingly on a slave ship multiple generations ago does NOT make you an African-American. Your nationality is American, period, and I hate to be the one to give you such shocking information, but until we list 15 different shades of brown for you to choose from, your skin color is black. Do you see me listing my skin color as Irish/Italian/German-American? No. Why not? Because it's friggin stupid. Answering "What race are you?" with where your great great great grandparents came from makes about as much sense as giving your age as "Yellow"

If you deliver my mail you are a mailman, and I don't care what genitalia you're sporting. If you seat me on the airplane you're a damn stewardess or a steward. If that offends you, you should have taken a different job. You are mentally retarded, not mentally challenged. The offense there comes from the stigma of being retarded, not from the word. We need to work on the social stigmas we attach to things that are out of our control, such as mental disorders, not change the words we use to describe them. You're fat not big boned, or chubby, or plump. If the term offends you, tough. And before the whines start, I'm 200+ pounds myself, way over the line for fat. The truth hurts sometimes, that doesn't mean you can magically make it not true by using different words. Not everyone finds every joke funny...but guess what? You don't need a court, 3 lawyers, and 10 million dollars to deal with it. I'll leave you with another phrase I say to my kids at least once a day "Why don't you worry about what you're doing, and let other people worry about what they're doing" Seriously people, grow up.

No one can offend you if you don't let them. It's a choice, and I feel nothing but pity for people who choose to take offense at everything they encounter. It must, truly, be a miserable existance.

If Not God...Then What?

2005-12-07T16:03:00.000-05:00

Since I've denounced God and Christanity as fantasy, I suppose it's only fair that I discuss my ideas on it all. Unlike many christians and other religious followers, I don't profess to have all the answers nor do I ask anyone to accept anything I say as fact. I challenge every person who reads my blog, now and in the future, to think and reason for themselves.

I'll begin with a scientific theory called conservation of energy. This theory states, in simple terms, that energy is neither created nor destroyed. Keep in mind, while it is still technically a theory, conservation of energy has been well observed and documented and there has been no observation or proof to refute the theory despite many attempts. However, that does not mean the theory will never be refuted, nor should you make the mistake of accepting it as fact.

Using that theory I've developed the idea that perhaps life is an energy source all it's own. If energy can not be created nor destroyed, then it stands to reason that life energy is recycled. Put aside your notions of reincarnation, that's not exactly where I'm going here. Pulling numbers out of a hat, for example's sake, let's say a human male has 100k life energy, while a human female has 120k life energy (perhaps another time we'll get into why I feel women have more life energy *grins*) Now, let's say both of them die. We now have 220k life energy on the loose. Conservation of energy tells us that this energy can not be destroyed, only reused or changed into another form. My theory is that this life energy is put to use, in new people. A type of reincarnation, but not in the sense that a soul moves from one body to another, more in the sense that each unit of life energy is an independent thing that can join with other units of life energy to form a living being. The life energy in your newborn might be from 10 deceased beings. This theory explains why some children know things they haven't learned yet, or have an unnatural ability to learn in one specific area. Perhaps they got a majority of life energy from someone who was proficient in that area. This theory ties in closely with the theory of evolution. As humans evolved into more complex beings, they required more life energy to operate and function their more complex systems, therefore they evolved internally as well as externally. So what does this theory do to help explain how it all began? Perhaps life energy didn't begin as life energy. Perhaps billions of years ago there were only a few types of energy, and the energy itself began to evolve and come together. Perhaps there was no big bang, no spontaneous creation of a living earth. Maybe Earth evolved and continues to evolve.

Or what if this is it? What if we begin when the sperm hits the egg, and we end the moment we die? What if there is no greater purpose, no life after death, no reincarnation, no...anything? Everyone wants to find "the answer" to life, but maybe they're asking questions that don't have an answer. Is it so unreasonable to believe that humans have no more reason for being alive than an amoeba?

Perhaps there IS one higher being who watches Earth from a distance and laughs at our childlike floundering for the meaning of life. Maybe we're just a video game played by beings 10 times our size. The fact is, no one knows for sure, and nothing has been proven. To say you have all the answers because you believe you have all the answers, is ridiculous. That's the exact logic religion uses. Anyone who points out flaws in their beliefs, or questions their teachings, is told that they need to have faith, that God works in mysterious ways. However, ask those same people why they don't believe in evolution or the big-bang theory and they will tell you that too much is left unexplained. Huh?! So it's ok to have a theory full of holes and unexplained things, as long as you have FAITH that you're right?

My true belief about life, and the only thing I can guarantee you is absolutely one hundred percent correct, is that we don't know. No one has the answer. At best they're making an educated guess (scientists) at worse they're telling fairy tales as fact (religion) Think for yourself, keep your eyes open, and don't take something as fact just because someone else told you it's true!

It's a Cult I Tell You!

2005-12-06T09:50:00.000-05:00

Let's start off with something big and controversial, shall we?

You'll see a good number of brave souls who are willing to stand up and say they do not believe in God, but not many who are willing to go all the way and say in plain english what is so obvious. God is a fantasy, the Bible is a work of fiction, and millions upon millions of people are a part of a well organized and heavily funded cult.

Woah there! Did I just say what you think I said? Yes I did, my friends, and I'm not just blowing smoke into the wind. I have valid reasons, well thought out and pondered for many years, for believing the way I do. Please, before you storm away or let loose a furious tirade on my comments section, continue reading.

Let's start with something simple. What makes a cult, and how do those signs apply to Christianity?

Cults have:

A charismatic leader that is believed to be able to lead all the followers to wherever it is they all want to go -- Such as a priest, preacher, or reverend leading their followers to salvation, heaven, redemption...etc
A strict set of 'rules' or beliefs that every follower must adhere to -- Such as the ten commandments, and the entirety of the Bible
A handbook -- Such as the Bible, and other religious texts
An exclusionary belief system that pits followers against the "non believers" -- Every subset of Christianity believes they are the one true religion and that everyone else is damned in some form or another.
A method of recruitment -- Every form of Christianity teaches their followers that they should be spreading "god's word" and sharing their beliefs with everyone, including trying to get the non believers to attend church/mass etc.

I could go on and on, but the important lesson here is that there is only one aspect of a cult that Christianity does not fulfill. Cults generally operate on beliefs and practices that are outside those held by the majority of society. Since the majority of society in The United States, holds christian beliefs, Christianity is not commonly perceived as a cult. I call bull! Just because "most" people believe it, doesn't make it true, and society as a whole has proven this time and time again. In Galileo's time it was commonly known that the Earth did not revolve around the sun, and the moon revolved around the Earth. They were all wrong. In 1692 nineteen men and women were executed because the majority of Salem Massachusettes believed that the very real physical illness of a group of children was caused by witchcraft. They were all wrong.

The Bible is a tremendous work of fiction. I say tremendous, not because it's a great read, but because of it's longevity and power within both the Christian and secular world. The full text of the Bible wasn't divinely spoken to Moses on Mount Sinai, the Bible didn't magically appear whole and intact as if given by the hand of God. It was written by men. Not only was it written by men, but many different versions were written, calling into question the belief that any one version could be true or accurate even *if* one believed the story of Moses. The various religions basically just picked a version they liked and ran with it. You might as well be basing your entire life on a play written by Shakespeare.

So why do I care if people want to live on faith and believe in Christianity? I don't! What I do care about is when the law mirrors fantasy beliefs just because they are held by the majority of society. What I do care about is being lectured and preached to when my beliefs or lifestyle choices do not reflect those of the majority of society, even though my choices and beliefs do NOTHING to harm anyone else. More people have died and been killed in Christ's name than have died or been killed in any other manner, yet we continue to let the most violent and zealous cult man has ever known rule our country, simply because the majority believe in it.

And so it Begins

2005-12-06T09:30:00.001-05:00

Welcome, my voyeuristic friend, to my world. I'll try my best to keep things interesting around here! Be sure to check back often to see where my rambling mind has run off to.

~Aya~